The world went crazy when the E L James published the book. So what is this fad about? You would see the ladies going vocal about their love for Grey. It was originally a fan book based on the characters in Twilight and the authors unique question on what would it like to be if you are engaged in a Dominant-kinky-kind-of-relationship. I love the author. I followed her on twitter before I even read anything, and she followed back. (Sweet)
And I am now taking my own big and small insights of the chapters, the books and the entire trilogy. I never wanted to create this kind of post but while I was reading it, I realized, I was also in a Grey-er pasture I can relate. I was trying to defend my theory about “Love is a decision” and as I read chapter by chapter, it helped me realize that I am really now a mature woman. My thoughts about Grey and relationships are now deep and realistic. If I read this five years ago, I am sure I will have a different perspective. Thank you author. You made me realize that I found my strength. Maturity.
Being a known fast reader. It took me sometime to read the book. Some factors like real lack of time, appalled that this book is really erotic, it concerned me that some readers can read the trilogy without being affected, and this is the first time I read a book via a PDF I am a computer addict I can stay in front of my laptop for hours but reading a novel is different. I will still love and go back to old school reading, paperbacks and hardbound.
I heard and read. Some readers are either proud or ashamed of reading the book in public. (Of course in paperback) Proud, because it’s the fad thing. They would reading this book at a coffee shop and people would have a second look. I would give a second look. Ashamed just like me I would be humiliated showing it to the world while reading it. Not because I am not proud of reading it in public but I find the idea weird. It’s an erotic book with the rate of the innuendos in every chapter it would be hard not to feel anything :) Some readers covered the front cover with something else, and even one reader took the cover off. Genius.
If Anastacia Steele have some pointers on the contract. I do have too. It is actually wonderful that they have a discussion about this. A contract is a binding between two individuals. It should be agreed upon in both ways.
I completely agree with Grey. There should be a contract to two individuals before they engage to business or sexual pursuits. It saves you the burden of a heartache. It guarantees you trust and faithfulness. Just like the law, you will avoid the things that will wreck you. It protects you from harm.
Clause 4: this should be mandatory. Blood test and physical exam should be done before any engagement. You don’t want to get in contact with this scary diseases. It also opens up if the partner is fertile and healthy to bear children. You would also be aware if the existing condition are bearable or can be pass down to your children. I mean if you cannot imagine your children having the same qualities your husband has, what is the point on going forward, right?
Clause 7 onwards: This is completely fiction. No man can guarantee your safety. If so, he really love you dearly. Taking full responsibility about your partner is the best love. A partner should be able to provide assurance and contentment. I then again agree with making contracts in a relationship.
It then boils down if the submissive will be willing to undertake the contract. I think any woman would agree on this. I have always been a feminist and I don’t feel offended with the terms. A person who decided to fall in love and be in a relationship should always be faithful and loyal. If you feel the temptation striking hard. It only means one thing, you should need to check your heart and know if you really love him. Again I say, Love is a decision.
Expiration. Love does not have an expiration.It only ends when two individuals doesn’t fit in a relationship anymore. There is no room for three. It can be another individual, a job or career or the responsibility left for your immediate family.
To have a definite expiration is good. Just like a dying person. You take each day as your last. Being comfortable to your partner is hazardous. Trust me, it is. If the day of expiration comes, it is your decision to continue for another term or end the contract and wait for the right person.
Availability. Giving a definite time for your partner is a must. Space is good. It enables you to breathe. It enables you to become the person before you met.It gives a sense of satisfaction. It helps you to become excited to see your partner. A specific time that other people should respect. Of course, your hands may be full on weekends too but hey! Set your priorities woman!
BDSM. Bondage and Discipline. Dominance and Submission. It may sound dirty or adult topic. But in relationships we are in a dominant and submissive situations too. It can interchange or can be done dominantly. I take this issue in a non sexual way. I see it as a whole. People should start asking how their relationships are going.
Virgins. Do not expect too much. Sex is not really great the first time. Do not trust Anastacia, she is fiction. You will not have the greatest orgasm if you cannot compare it to anything. Sex is always the greatest if you do it with the person you love. The character is not yet in love during their first time. She was curious and excited, of course it will be a mind bubbling experience. You will have great experiences. And it will start if you don’t expect at all. Expectations can kill, in every aspect of life. So, if you are already prepared to pop your cherry. Forget of what had happened in this trilogy. Enjoy your moment. Do not expect that your partner will go Grey on you. If he did, did you really enjoy it since you are comparing it to Ms Steele? Or if you did lucky you!
Silence in bed. It think its kinky.
Safewords. Yellow and Red. It would really be great if you know your own limitations, and when your dominant is willing to cease immediately. There are men who just continue to hurt women whether we like it or not, even when we say no, they still continue to becoming assholes. Then come the martyrs. I use to think when you know its beyond your limit and your partner is still continuing his pursuits, it will be best to stop the relationship. I would say, just leave him, you may find someone else better. However, when you get into a relationship and you decided you will love this person indefinitely. Sometimes, when you say no, and you really mean it, he would still do it because he knows you love him too much just to let go. In a fictional world, if you say no, your partner will completely stop whatever you hate him doing. In reality, it is just your decision if you will allow your self to become a martyr and bear his craziness of not obeying to your needs. If a person cannot respect you as a person, it is up to you whether you respect yourself or not.
Marriage contract. I think. When you decide to marry, you should see Grey’s contract in a non sexual way. I do not have a direct experience since I am still single but I think it would be awesome to consider like the points I have mention above. Recently, I have watched the new episode of How I Met your Mother. Barney made a list for his pre-nup. It was hilarious and made me think again. Pre-nups should be done not just because of money involvement but we need to regard about our emotions too. We marry someone because we love him/her. We do not marry a person just because he can provide us a better lifestyle. If you marry just because of money, you are more susceptible into falling inlove with a poor man. The main reason why some women satisfy themselves with a younger man who can. Also, why men would pay a cheap whore just because their wives cannot meet the needs.
The ideal boyfriend. Someone you bring home. Watch dvd together. Eat dinner, watch a movie. Hold hands while in the mall. Listen to your rants while you listen to his political views. Exchange text messages, emails and lovey dovey Facebook status. Bring to your family lunch get together.
***Stock photos posted with Creative Commons-licensed content.
Love is a decision. My friend told me, it’s a feeling. Of course love is a feeling. It is a state of mind. When you see a pretty lady that is attraction. When you start to have a conversation, and you feel that this girl is smart and sexy it will intrigue you more. The reason why they would ask for our number or ask us for a date, but beware, men already know the first time they see you if you are a potential partner or just mate for a night. They might prolong the moment into weeks or even years. We have to be careful. Men can act the exact same way to a person they would want to marry or someone they want to bang. So how would you know if he is real or not. Let us start from ending our imagination to finding Mr.Right. He doesn’t exist, or if he does, he is already married or gay. The next step would be us making our selves the right person. Start loving your self. This is applicable for both sexes. You have heard this a million times but let me repeat it for you. You gotta start loving yourself. Be happy, be open-minded, be positive. When you start embracing yourself. You will be surprise with the reaction of your hormones to the other gender or fellow. People will start seeing you in a different light. You will smile more. There are different certainties in life that we cannot control like accidents, sickness, tragedy or a bad choice of career but if you see the world in a lighter and happier note, everything falls down correctly. When you met the person whom you decided you will love for the rest of your life, you would then agree with me that love is indeed a decision.
Filipina Wanderer is connected to the real world.
- Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sado-masochism (BDSM): Partnerships, couples, and health outcomes (udini.proquest.com)
- Fifty Shades of Grey (Book 1 of the Trilogy) (theminorproject.wordpress.com)
- Racy novel sweeps pop culture consciousness (thegazette.com)
- The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission (delvingintodeviance.com)
- ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Movie Casting News: ‘New Girl’ Star Carla Gugino to Play Mrs. Robinson? (booksnreview.com)
- Fifty Shades of What Now? (realmsqueen.wordpress.com)
- The Estrogen Diaries: My Sex Slave Life. ~ Lori Ann Lothian (elephantjournal.com)
- Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James (themodernausten.com)
- Can This Public Obsession Just Go Away (pixiemumbles.wordpress.com)
- Fifty Shades of Grey (marysrambles.wordpress.com)